Oh hello, hello! *waves* I’ve been MIA for way too long and I don’t even know where to begin! 

Trust me when I say I’ve been meaning to write/blog/whatever. But I was practically juggling between my work, 2 guys, friends & family. If you have read my blog for some time (or at least a few posts before this), you would have known there was a Vampire in my life. & then, a Duffy came along.

Things were so complicated and I really didn’t mean to hurt anyone in any way by any chance.

All I ever wanted was just friendships. Good companionship whenever I hang out with my friends. Laughed. Had fun. Went home feeling positive & pumped.

I didn’t want anything beyond friends.

But I can’t possibly put a sign on my forehead that read “only accept friendships” to avoid situations like this.

Truth is I told both of them and everyone that I didn’t want to choose and I was not gonna choose. It’s not because I wanted both of them, but I wasn’t looking for anyone back then.

Truth is things went too far and I didn’t realize that.

Truth is I already hurt one of them (or maybe both of them in some ways & I’m probably not aware of it) by not doing anything (read: choosing one of them).

Vampire & Duffy used to tell me that it’s alright and they were not forcing me to make a decision right there & then. But someone got impatient. I wasn’t happy anymore. It became very stressful & pressured whenever I went out with him. It’s like I had a great time with him but I’d get pressed by a lot of questions (tho he claimed that he was kidding) and statements.

Most of them were very inappropriate.

He totally reminded me of my past relationship. That kind of relationship that I don’t want to be in ever again.

I’m sorry I flipped, totally broke down, cried & snapped at him on New Year’s Day.

We didn’t talk since then.

While all that was happening, I was totally happy going out with the other one. He did not compete. He just did whatever he thinks I’d be happy about. We got to know each other better. Things were so simple. We’d laugh over some stupid jokes. We always said the exact words at the same time and went “awwww” together. We’d hang out at Wondermilk & Starbucks and chill. No question was asked. Stress-free & pressure-free. Just pure happiness.

Of course, grand gestures such as buying the Mickey Mouse’s cookie jar all the way from Florida with self-baked cookies, delivering dinner for me almost everyday & a bottle of Moët on New Year’s Eve are lovely and romantic. They were something I was looking for. But, if these come with the price of going back to the crazy relationship I once had, I’d rather not pay for it. I’d rather not have anything romantic.

While the other guy gave me an iPhone charger for car as my Christmas gift. It was something I wanted so badly since the one I had was broken. He accompanied me to do my nails when Bo wasn’t free and he & I were both worried that he might get bored. But we ended up talking so much and laughing over silly stuff. He remembers exactly what I’ll order in Starbucks/Chatime/Gong Cha albeit his goldfish memory. Whenever someone asks me what he has done for me as compared to Vampire. I can’t tell. But I always replied that the massage he gave me was orgasmic and he’s a very good listener and that he’s quite attentive. I like that he is very genuine and meant what he said. I like that he still comes out from the car whenever he picks me up or drives me home. I like that we were totally like a couple when we were not. It feels so right being with him.

So I asked myself “what are we?”. I can’t answer it. He can’t answer it either.

Everything about him feels so damn right.

ZOE & DUFFY, Y U NO TOGETHER IF U REALLY LIKE EACH OTHER?
(Lolol sorry, can’t resist not making a meme about this!)

/9gag’s time over

Do I really want to let go of him & remain as friends & get heartbroken later when he found someone new?

When I was in dilemma if I should end my singlehood this month or months later, Duffy pressed me a lil by saying “Don’t wait already la… This month la…” I wasn’t annoyed. In fact, I was smiling as if I’ve been waiting for him to push a lil bit.

That is when I had the answer.

 

January 9, 2012 is the day I quizzed him about me. 10 questions.

I told him that we’ll be together officially if he could get all of them right.

He said “I’ll try my best!”

The thing is… he tried so hard and I was basically dishing him the answers.

So, what are we now? 

Who would have thought we are actually together right now.

(Right… I eat my own words. Was telling the whole wide world that I wanna be single for at least a year, and see what happened now! #foreverjinxed)

Most of my friends thought I’m leaning more towards Vampire and most of them thought he was a very nice guy. He was, until Duffy came into my life, and he totally freaked out and pressured me too much.

Duffy may appear to be less colorful and pale comparing to Vampire. But I detest comparing. Because there’s never a need to compare and to choose, I fell & I’m still continue falling for him.

I know there’s at least 40 people in my life are happy for me and/or him based on the amount of people liked the picture above in my Facebook & Instagram. (Yeah, even my ex liked the picture #awkwardmoment) I feel so loved & blessed everyday now.

I am so lucky. <3

Related posts:

1. Screwed up sleep schedule
2. Pre-Valentine’s
3. Cliché
4. Love Hope Courage
5. Simplicity

14th January 2012 Duffy, Malaysia, Personal, Verbal diarrhea 7 comments

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This entry was posted on Saturday, January 14th, 2012 at 10:24 am and is filed under Duffy, Malaysia, Personal, Verbal diarrhea. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.