The past 2 months+ was like a roller coaster, or at least it was to me.

Now that I have a boyfriend & I’m totally in a new & fresh relationship (I hope it still is!) and Valentine’s Day is less than 2 weeks away! At first I was quite nervous because mine always got jinxed! #foreverjinxed

But after talking to Duffy, I become so excited suddenly! It’s our first Valentine’s Day and both of us don’t wanna ruin it so we planned together. Right, there will be no surprise but it’s perfectly okay with me.

This sounds really corny but you don’t have to be extra nice to your other half just because it’s a Valentine’s Day.

HOWEVER, it doesn’t eliminate the fact that you should make the other half feel extra special on the special occasions.

Thing is I really hate it whenever a guy told me that he’s not willing to spend a lil bit more (e.g. buy her presents/bring her to a nicer place or at least accompany her) on the special occasions and giving girls the lame excuse as I have just mentioned above that “everyday’s a Valentine’s Day if you’re with the right person”.

Oh really?

If it’s so, why won’t you just make some effort to prove it on the special occasions?

Because it really goes a long way and us girls appreciate it.

Don’t be lazy & give us that lame line!

Just make some effort that you appreciate the fact that she spend that day with you (it should goes in both ways and not one -way traffic) and she will see it.

Don’t bullshit her. Girls are not that bimbotic, at least not most of us.

The only reason why girls tolerate your bullshits and holding onto it is only because she loves you.

Don’t take that for granted. The moment you take that for granted is the moment she starts to evaluate the relationship & you, and most of the time, it’s no good ending.

I don’t know why I sound so angsty in this entry, maybe because I’m so tired of how Malaysian guys are being so lazy in making some effort to make their girls happy/happier, but they keep whining instead.

Stop being so egoistic. It’s 2012 already!

Make some effort & you won’t be #foreveralone!

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One of them is Audrey, super friendly & cute! My reaction when I met her for the first time was “Omg someone is actually so much more petite than me? I finally know how people felt when they met me for the first time!”

& another one is a fashion blogger from Philippines.

Yep, I met Tricia! We even did nails together & she’s kind enough to link me! *___* That explains why my blog was/is getting the sudden hits from PH & all places from the world!

She is so down-to-earth and gorgeous!

I looked like crap beside her (nope, am not fishing for compliments). I had the chance to meet an international fashion blogger & I had to be so bloated that day! Dafuq!!!

I know I sound totally shallow in this entry… Like they’re just normal humans, why do I sound so excited/nervous about meeting them, right? Well, that’s because they’re so real even though they’re so popular already! That’s something I really admire. It’s not something everyone could do/maintain.

& I’m really shallow in some ways… Like, they’re so pretty! They really took the time to groom themselves up. I’m so lazy. T___T I just learned how to put on falsies like few weeks ago, so yeah.

Anyway, yeah, super old LOTD of that day. I had a bad hair day + I was so bloated!

Red top: Zara // Black tulle ballet skirt: Forever 21 // Belt: Urban Outfitters // Hair pin: Forever 21 // Watch: Tissot // Bangles: flea market & Forever 21 // Necklace: Aldo // Ring: ASOS // Heels: Charles & Keith

& to redeem myself looking like a shemale beside Tricia. lolol

kthxbai

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Red x Bronze nails ftw / Prayer in the morning / Reunion dinner / Packing for Penang

As much as what most people/friends perceived me as someone who is very westernized, I’d like to clarify regarding that bit. Because I am not. I’m very Chinese at heart. I love doing very Chinese-y stuff.

& I’m not even kidding when I said I’m shallow because there are only 3 things that I love about Chinese New Year. They are food (i.e. you can stuff whatever you want during CNY without being judged!), red packets (who doesn’t like to have extra pocket money?) AND 140% legit/valid reason to shop for a new wardrobe!

Jokes aside…

Happy Chinese New Year, lovelies! 新年快乐！

May the Year of Dragon brings everyone great health, abundance of happiness & wealth! ♥

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Not sure why most people perceived me as someone who don’t take things seriously. More often than not, I take things so seriously that I have to remind myself to just smile & forget whatever I have just heard.

& I’m really looking for something real.

Real, sounds so phony right now. What an irony.

I hate how I woke up with tears again with nightmare all over.

Good things don’t happen to me. It’ll never happen to me.

Because if things are too good to be true, they probably are.

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Trust me when I say I’ve been meaning to write/blog/whatever. But I was practically juggling between my work, 2 guys, friends & family. If you have read my blog for some time (or at least a few posts before this), you would have known there was a Vampire in my life. & then, a Duffy came along.

Things were so complicated and I really didn’t mean to hurt anyone in any way by any chance.

All I ever wanted was just friendships. Good companionship whenever I hang out with my friends. Laughed. Had fun. Went home feeling positive & pumped.

I didn’t want anything beyond friends.

But I can’t possibly put a sign on my forehead that read “only accept friendships” to avoid situations like this.

Truth is I told both of them and everyone that I didn’t want to choose and I was not gonna choose. It’s not because I wanted both of them, but I wasn’t looking for anyone back then.

Truth is things went too far and I didn’t realize that.

Truth is I already hurt one of them (or maybe both of them in some ways & I’m probably not aware of it) by not doing anything (read: choosing one of them).

Vampire & Duffy used to tell me that it’s alright and they were not forcing me to make a decision right there & then. But someone got impatient. I wasn’t happy anymore. It became very stressful & pressured whenever I went out with him. It’s like I had a great time with him but I’d get pressed by a lot of questions (tho he claimed that he was kidding) and statements.

Most of them were very inappropriate.

He totally reminded me of my past relationship. That kind of relationship that I don’t want to be in ever again.

I’m sorry I flipped, totally broke down, cried & snapped at him on New Year’s Day.

We didn’t talk since then.

While all that was happening, I was totally happy going out with the other one. He did not compete. He just did whatever he thinks I’d be happy about. We got to know each other better. Things were so simple. We’d laugh over some stupid jokes. We always said the exact words at the same time and went “awwww” together. We’d hang out at Wondermilk & Starbucks and chill. No question was asked. Stress-free & pressure-free. Just pure happiness.

Of course, grand gestures such as buying the Mickey Mouse’s cookie jar all the way from Florida with self-baked cookies, delivering dinner for me almost everyday & a bottle of Moët on New Year’s Eve are lovely and romantic. They were something I was looking for. But, if these come with the price of going back to the crazy relationship I once had, I’d rather not pay for it. I’d rather not have anything romantic.

While the other guy gave me an iPhone charger for car as my Christmas gift. It was something I wanted so badly since the one I had was broken. He accompanied me to do my nails when Bo wasn’t free and he & I were both worried that he might get bored. But we ended up talking so much and laughing over silly stuff. He remembers exactly what I’ll order in Starbucks/Chatime/Gong Cha albeit his goldfish memory. Whenever someone asks me what he has done for me as compared to Vampire. I can’t tell. But I always replied that the massage he gave me was orgasmic and he’s a very good listener and that he’s quite attentive. I like that he is very genuine and meant what he said. I like that he still comes out from the car whenever he picks me up or drives me home. I like that we were totally like a couple when we were not. It feels so right being with him.

So I asked myself “what are we?”. I can’t answer it. He can’t answer it either.

Everything about him feels so damn right.

ZOE & DUFFY, Y U NO TOGETHER IF U REALLY LIKE EACH OTHER?
(Lolol sorry, can’t resist not making a meme about this!)

/9gag’s time over

Do I really want to let go of him & remain as friends & get heartbroken later when he found someone new?

When I was in dilemma if I should end my singlehood this month or months later, Duffy pressed me a lil by saying “Don’t wait already la… This month la…” I wasn’t annoyed. In fact, I was smiling as if I’ve been waiting for him to push a lil bit.

That is when I had the answer.

January 9, 2012 is the day I quizzed him about me. 10 questions.

I told him that we’ll be together officially if he could get all of them right.

He said “I’ll try my best!”

The thing is… he tried so hard and I was basically dishing him the answers.

So, what are we now? 

Who would have thought we are actually together right now.

(Right… I eat my own words. Was telling the whole wide world that I wanna be single for at least a year, and see what happened now! #foreverjinxed)

Most of my friends thought I’m leaning more towards Vampire and most of them thought he was a very nice guy. He was, until Duffy came into my life, and he totally freaked out and pressured me too much.

Duffy may appear to be less colorful and pale comparing to Vampire. But I detest comparing. Because there’s never a need to compare and to choose, I fell & I’m still continue falling for him.

I know there’s at least 40 people in my life are happy for me and/or him based on the amount of people liked the picture above in my Facebook & Instagram. (Yeah, even my ex liked the picture #awkwardmoment) I feel so loved & blessed everyday now.

I am so lucky. <3

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But I’m so tired. I need time to clear this messy head, probably it’s good to start telling bff over lunch later.

But a lil preview of whatever has happened? Sure!

[preview]

‎*bam!* Fairytale has ended. I am right and that is true that there is no “they live happily ever after”.

[/preview]

Happy 2012, it definitely started with a “bang”!

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He’s a lil quiet and shy, I guess. Or maybe still wasn’t comfortable with me yet. Or maybe I was too boring. D:

Especially when I’m not feeling well these few days with the constant headache, sore-throat & runny nose. Must be the OT and the stress! Fuck year end, seriously. I don’t even know how my other colleagues handle the stress so well when their workloads are much heavier. 

So yes, I was saying I wasn’t feeling well so my energy’s level is really low for these few days. Not sure if I was actually too boring for anyone. However, this guy is really sweet! I don’t get it, why am I meeting these nice guys these days? Why didn’t I meet them earlier? Darl said it’s because we wouldn’t treasure the good ones if we don’t meet the bad ones. Meh, but I treasure everyone around me! 

The 1st date was so dramatic. But we got it sorted! We were actually deciding between Food Foundry and Hungry Hog. Food Foundry is nearby his place but Hungry Hog is nearby my place. So technically, it would be more convenient to dine at Hungry Hog but I was craving for something sweet that night! So he was like “Mille Crepe it is then!”

And… it was my sister’s birthday the next day, so he bought 2 pieces of the Mille Crepes for my sister AND my mom. I was like “Wah quite smart ah!” lolol

2nd date was shopping, dinner & MI-4! This guy kept asking me if I felt cold in the cinema and I told him no. Because I really wasn’t feeling cold. But I kept wondering what happened if I actually said yes. Is he gonna get a jacket from nowhere like *pooooffff* here’s a jacket? Hahaha… He also kept asking me if I was hungry. I don’t know what’s up with that, maybe I looked like I’ll eat a cow or something.  And it was really sweet when he actually got down the car to wait for me when he picked me up and got down the car again when he dropped me off. He’s the 2nd guy I know ever did this. I was totally kampung about it. I was like “ooooh what happened?!”

It’s like whenever I hang out with guys, I can’t help but to compare them with him.

I know I shouldn’t and it’s not healthy to do so. But I think I still need some time to adjust myself that I’m now really single. It’s happening. Even Mr Vampire said I have a wee bit of that I-have-a-boyfriend look on my face. He actually wasn’t sure if I was single… Dafuq.

Just in case if you’re wondering why I only talk about feelings & guys these days, that’s because there’s really nothing much going on in my life right besides work and more work. Gah. Looking like a 35 right now! But I promise next one will be filled with useless pictures.

Another week & it’ll be Christmas! Stay warm if you’re in a winter country and drink more water if you’re in a warm country (like Malaysia). <3

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“Who’s that boy?”

That’s the question I get a lot recently.

Le mom, especially. She is my #1 fan when it comes to my love life. I think my parents are afraid & worried that I’ll get hurt badly again. I’ll never forget the #awkwardmoment when she walked into my room without knocking on the door (which usually she does) and saw me crying my heart out.

She was shocked (because I pretended as if I was all good when they’re around) and said “it’s not your fault that this happened, let it go.” & le dad said I was mentally abused for 7 years. 

Now even my colleagues asked about that question last night when Vampire (no longer philosopher, we got that fixed!) brought me McDee & Chatime when I had to OT at the office.

According to him, he was making sure that I’m still in the office by chatting with me and trying very hard to get McDee to my office asap so that ‘em fries won’t be soggy, and completed that with Chatime.

So much for McDee & Chatime.

I almost missed his call because I was listening to my iPod. Thank God for vibration! (Sounds wrong but whatever.) I picked up his call and he asked me to go down to the lobby. I was like “huh? Ok, hang on.”

When I got down, I saw him walking towards me, I was like “yo dude wtf are you doing here?”

Then I saw McDee’s paperbag. Not exactly warm fuzzy feeling, because I was in complete shock and the first thing that came into my mind was “are you tryna kill me?” since I was (and still am) having sore-throat!

He looked so guilty and didn’t know what to do with the McDee. Then it made me feel bad like I didn’t appreciate his nice gesture. -___- Seriously, so much for personal delivery.

So, anyway, I accepted it and it’s #awkwardmoment all over. I suck at dealing with #awkwardmoment and I’m seriously bad at flirting and/or wheedling. If someone comes up with a book with these topics, imma geddit!

I love this top but I think I should burn it since I’m not good at it!

I don’t even think we said proper goodbye… I was like waving my hand and told him that this is awkward byebye!

Sigh, I know right. I failed at being a girl. I think a perfectly normal girly girl would be like “OMGGGGG YOU BOUGHT ME MCDEE, AWWW YOU’RE SO SWEEEETTTTT!” in super high pitch tone.

Anyway, so I got back up to the office. It was only one colleague who noticed it at first, which became a trail of questions.

“WHAT, ZOE YOU GOT MCDEE! HOW CAN! WHY YOU NEVER ASK US TO PLACE ORDER TOGETHER?”

“Urgh, no… I didn’t…”

“WHAT!”

“I didn’t… Someone brought these for me.”

“WHO!”

“My friend…?”

“FEMALE OR MALE!”

“Male… WHY!!!!” (realized it’s weird how I got questioned like that)

“OOOOHHHHHHH” and everyone started teasing me.

I told one of them it’s Vampire (although he has no clue who I’m referring to & probably think I was suffering from brain damaged) and I told the rest “it’s someone”.

lololol

I didn’t know getting a personal delivery of McDee & Chatime could cause such a scene at work. 

Shared this with darl & bff.

Darl:”How can I not like him!!!”

Bff is the worst, really cannot count on her, because she actually said “wahh so good go get married already la.” Dafuq.

Yeah, so I ended my night with 1 paperbag from Topshop (retail therapy works all ze time!), Coach, tumbler bag, laptop bag & a Chatime in my hand. 

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When it just happened, she told me “let it go, you have to, if you don’t, you will never meet the right/better one”.

She told me to stop holding onto things that won’t work.

I didn’t believe her.

But now everything’s (almost) perfect!

The only thing that is less than perfect is that I stop believing in trust.

I used to beg him to go shopping with me and now the guys I hang out these days asked me if I wanna go shopping, some even offered to plan a day out just to shop & eat.

Yes, all things are nice & sweet in the beginning.

Boy thinks she’s the one; she thinks boy’s the one.

They do everything for each other.

& one day, boy is tired of her, so boy stops doing whatever he used to do for her.

Excitement is over. Love’s gone. He’s gone. She’s alone, again.

She can’t do anything anymore except wondering how the fuck things changed just like that.

There is no answer to it. There’s never an answer to it.

Since all good things come to an end eventually. So why bother hanging onto anything at all?

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Why do I have to meet you now?

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