While most people, if not girls, dream and fantasize about their wedding, I’ve always been fantasizing about my funeral.

I don’t like the typical noisy Chinese funeral. I think I prefer the Western style where everyone just mourn for the deceased at the graveyard for a while and end it off with a cocktail party.

It should be playing all my favorite songs and quotes throughout the party.

Blue roses should be placed everywhere in the room. People should also bring only blue roses to my grave.

If it’s possible, wear dark blue.

But lately, I don’t think I would need a funeral anymore.

Because, honestly, who would come besides my family?

My dear friends couldn’t even spare some time listening/talking to me when I’m this upset. So what makes me think that they would spare some time to attend my funeral?

I rarely ask my friends if they are free. I seldom show them this side of me. I’ve already tried asking for help.

It’s ok that you’re busy, but you’re busy 24/7, can’t even pick up your phone to give a call to your poor friend who is still crying almost every night.

BUT, please don’t blame yourself if you’re not reacting to it. You’ve probably thought I’m just being dramatic.

It’s ok. I know I’ll be ok someday. Yeah, ok without anyone beside me.

I’m ready to live alone. I just didn’t expect that my friends don’t give a fuck about what I’m going through when I do really care about each of my closest friends.

If Charlotte was right, that, it takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.

Then I need 3.5 years to get over you.

I’m not even sure I’ll ever find love again. Or, if I ever believe in love like how I used to anymore.

You took away a big part of me.

But, sometimes the best thing to do hurts you the most, too.

After a few Heineken later, D asked if I would remove the pictures I had with him.

I answered “no”.

How is it possible to remove all the pictures I had with him for 7 years?

Even if I remove, it doesn’t mean that I’ve gotten over him.

ONLY IF it’s that easy to forget everything you shared with someone…

D said no matter what the main reason of the break-up is, financial status plays a part.

I can’t help but to agree with him. BUT, I’d left him much earlier or not choosing him at all if it’s one of the reasons.

We have too many problem; a lot of them are not solved.

I’m just tired. Tired getting all worked up for this relationship that I’ve been working on for 7 years.

I wish time would go by faster… I need to leave this country asap.

Too many memories, too painful.

pictures via tumblr.com

Teleport me to Paris, please.

I need to feel love again.

Letting go doesn’t mean you’re defeated or you’re this bad mean person who don’t appreciate things in life.

But sometimes, letting go is the only way out.

The only way to save you from being upset all the time.

Justin is someone who emphasize a lot on privacy, especially when it comes to relationship. So I wouldn’t disclose much. But if you’ve heard it from me, then you’re the people that I wanna share with.

After 7 years, I’m back to the single-hood. I’d say I’m much happier now since I came home.

It’s not easy to end it. Because we spent a large part of our lives together.

I was with him when he didn’t have a car and our mode of transportation was to walk and to take the public transport. Sometimes, if we’re lucky, he was able to borrow a car from his friend. I was with him when he was rather unsettled.

He was with me when my level of confidence was terribly low. He was there for me (tho not physically) when I had my winter depression.

But even good things come to an end, so I can’t find any reason to not end this relationship when I was literally crying almost every night for it.

I’m sorry that I’m this girl that broke my promise, our promise & our future.

But I know this is the right thing to do, you’ll know it soon.

I’ll be still hosting my domain with him because he’s the greatest IT guy I’ve ever known and I know I can still count on him for things like this.

Thank you for being part of my life. It was good. It was a long good 7 years of relationship.

Thank you for showing me that someone would give up his single-hood for me for 7 years when I didn’t believe it.